In fact, researchers have found that when a peer speaks up or offers support, incidents of harm or exclusion end within 10 seconds more than half the time (Craig & Pepler, 1997). That’s not theory. That’s real-time change driven by the courage of young people.
See Their Strength | Real insight. New perspective. A different way to see youth.
See Their Strength is a monthly blog by Melanie Heitkamp that offers honest reflections, fresh insight, and thoughtful challenges to how we understand and support young people. From myth-busting posts to moments of lived truth, this space invites readers to look beyond surface behaviors and see the capacity, courage, and complexity youth carry every day.
Whether you’re a caregiver, educator, donor, business leader, or young person yourself, this blog is for anyone ready to shift the conversation from “what’s wrong?” to “what’s possible?”
Together, we’ll explore the everyday strength of youth—and what it means to truly see it.
Join Their Joy
By Melanie Heitkamp, LCSW
From an adult perspective, it’s easy to think, This isn’t important.
Relationships aren’t built during crisis.
Do you enjoy being with me, or do you only engage with me when there’s something to fix?
Join Their Joy
The invitation is.
Ask them to teach you.
Those aren’t just questions. They’re signals that what matters to them matters to you.
What Joining Their Joy Can Look Like
Instead of:
- “I don’t get why you watch this.”
- Ending the conversation after one answer.
- Looking for a lesson to teach.
- Critiquing their music, hobby, or interests.
- Waiting until they’re struggling to connect.
Try...
- “Show me what you like about it.”
- Asking one more question.
- Looking for something to understand.
- Staying curious long enough to understand why they enjoy it.
- Building the relationship when nothing is wrong.
Be Genuine
Watch the video.
Listen to the song.
Learn the rules of the game.
Try the skateboard.
Maybe even do the awkward TikTok trend.
About the Author
Melanie Heitkamp, LCSW, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 40 years of experience serving youth and families in North Dakota. She began her career as a Child Welfare Investigator and spent nearly four decades as Executive Director of Youthworks. Melanie is a tireless advocate for trauma-informed care, youth voice, and prevention services. She believes in meeting youth with kindness, accountability, and unwavering belief in their potential.
About Youthworks
Youthworks is North Dakota’s leading youth-serving agency, committed to ensuring that every youth has a safe place to belong and be heard. With nearly 50 staff across multiple locations, Youthworks offers crisis support, transitional housing, mentoring, counseling, and prevention programs rooted in evidence and empathy. Since its founding, Youthworks has stood beside youth facing barriers—from poverty and conflict to homelessness and trafficking—offering not just services, but hope, belonging, and a future.
A message from Mark Heinert, Executive Director
As I read Melanie’s message, I found myself thinking about a simple question:
Who is an adult that believed in you when you were growing up?
For me, it was Duane Mueller, a teacher and coach at Kenmare High School during the 1980s. I was fortunate to have him as both a teacher and coach throughout my high school years.
Mr. Mueller believed in me long before I fully believed in myself. Whether I was in the classroom, on the basketball court, or competing in track, he challenged me to do more than I thought I was capable of. He saw potential I couldn’t always see on my own.
Looking back all these years later, I realize the confidence he helped build didn’t end with graduation. It has stayed with me throughout my career, my family life, and now in my work at Youthworks. I know now what a gift it is to have an adult who believes in you.
At Youthworks, we often say our mission is to help ensure all youth have a safe place to belong and be heard. We work toward that mission every day through our programs, but it doesn’t end with us.
It continues in our schools, neighborhoods, churches, workplaces, coffee shops, parks, and grocery stores. It happens every time an adult chooses to notice a young person, encourage them, listen to them, or simply take an interest in what matters to them.
Melanie reminds us that relationships are often built in ordinary moments—when we choose to join a young person’s joy instead of rushing past it.
So let me leave you with one final challenge:
Be the Mr. Mueller in a young person’s life.
You don’t have to be a teacher or a coach. You simply have to be an adult who believes in them, encourages them, and reminds them they matter.
You may never know the impact you have.
June 4, 2026
What We Mean When We Say Belonging
By Melanie Heitkamp, LCSW
Before we talk about programs, strategies, or outcomes, it’s worth starting with something simpler—what youth actually say.
“Youthworks is like a second family to me”
“I’m comfortable here. Mi Familia.”
“They made me feel like I was wanted.”
“Youthworks gave me a place to feel and be safe and the resources and help I needed to get back on my feet and to be a better mother.”
This is what safety looks like.
This is what belonging sounds like.
And it’s often simpler—and more powerful—than we make it.
What We Mean When We Say Belonging
We use the word belonging a lot—in schools, in programs, and in conversations about youth. It’s something we say we value and something we say we are working toward. And in many cases, we mean it.
But belonging is often misunderstood.
It’s not the same as being included. It’s not the same as being invited into a space, or even being treated kindly. A young person can be present, can follow expectations, and can be treated well—and still not feel like they fully belong.
Belonging is something different. It is the feeling that you can show up as you are and not have to adjust, explain, or hide parts of yourself to be accepted.
For many youth, that is not something they experience consistently. Instead, they are paying attention to how they are received. They are noticing tone, reactions, and subtle cues that tell them whether they fit or whether they need to adjust. Over time, that shapes how much of themselves they bring into a space.
When youth feel like they belong, things change. They engage more, take more risks in learning and in relationships, and are more likely to ask for help when they need it. When they don’t, the opposite happens. They withdraw, protect themselves, and begin to hold parts of themselves back.
And sometimes, what we see on the outside looks like behavior. But underneath it, it is often about not feeling safe enough to fully show up.
What’s Happening at This Stage
Adolescence is a stage where identity becomes central.
Young people are not just learning information or following rules. They are trying to understand who they are, how they fit, and how others see them. At the same time, their brains are developing in ways that make social feedback more intense. Acceptance feels bigger. Rejection feels sharper.
Because of that, the environment around them matters more than we often realize.
In early childhood, safety is mostly physical. Are basic needs met? Is there consistency?
In adolescence, safety becomes social and emotional.
Do I fit here?
Am I accepted?
What happens if I say what I actually think?
Youth are constantly reading the room to answer those questions.
For some youth, including those whose identities are questioned, dismissed, or not always reflected in the spaces around them, this becomes even more important. They are not just figuring out who they are. They are also trying to figure out where it is safe to be that person.
Belonging vs. Being Included
We often think inclusion and belonging are the same thing. They’re not. You can be invited into a space and still feel like you don’t fully fit. The difference shows up in small, everyday interactions.
A Space That Includes Youth
- Youth are invited to be there
- Everyone is treated the same
- Participation is expected
- Adults lead, youth follow
- Behavior is treated as the problem
- Mistakes are pointed out
- Youth adjust to fit the space
- Rules are clear
- Presence is enough
A Space That Promotes Belonging
- Youth feel like they are meant to be there
- Differences are noticed and respected
- Participation feels safe and natural
- Youth have a voice and are heard
- Behavior is understood as a signal
- Mistakes are worked through without shame
- The space adjusts to support youth
- Relationships are strong and consistent
- Connection is the goal
What Safe Spaces Actually Do
A safe space is not just a place where nothing bad happens.
It’s a space where a young person can lower their guard.
When youth do not feel safe, they are managing the environment. They are watching tone, reading reactions, and deciding what parts of themselves to show. That takes energy and limits how much they can engage, learn, or connect.
When youth do feel safe, that energy shifts.
They participate more.
They speak up more.
They try things they are not sure they will succeed at.
Safe spaces make growth possible because youth are not spending all of their energy protecting themselves.
That is why this matters in adolescence. This is the stage where identity is forming. If a young person does not feel safe enough to explore who they are, they will either hold back or adjust to fit the space.
If you work with or care about youth, this is something to pay attention to.
Because belonging is not something we can assume is there.
It’s something young people experience based on how we show up, how consistent we are, and how safe it feels to be known in the spaces we create.
And when that is in place, everything else becomes possible.
About the Author
Melanie Heitkamp, LCSW, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 40 years of experience serving youth and families in North Dakota. She began her career as a Child Welfare Investigator and spent nearly four decades as Executive Director of Youthworks. Melanie is a tireless advocate for trauma-informed care, youth voice, and prevention services. She believes in meeting youth with kindness, accountability, and unwavering belief in their potential.
A message from Mark Heinert, Executive Director
At Youthworks, our mission is to ensure every young person has a safe place to be and someone to talk to.
That mission is more than words. It shows up in how we create spaces where youth feel seen, heard, and accepted for who they are.
Belonging is a key part of that.
As Melanie shared, it’s not enough for youth to simply be included. They need to experience a sense of safety and connection in the environments they are part of. That experience shapes whether they engage, whether they trust, and whether they feel comfortable being themselves.
This is true in our programs, but it’s also true in homes, schools, and communities.
There are simple ways we can all help create that sense of belonging:
- Take time to listen without interrupting or correcting right away
- Stay calm and steady, even when a young person is not
- Learn what matters to them and show interest in it
- Be consistent in how you respond, so they know what to expect
- Remind them—through words and actions—that they are valued
Creating that kind of space doesn’t require perfection. It requires consistency, awareness, and a willingness to reflect on how our actions are being experienced by the youth around us.
It’s something we are always working toward—and something we can all be part of.
May 7, 2026
What We Call Behavior
What We See
What He Feels
Sometimes the behavior is the signal, not the problem.
What We Miss
- Anger can be depression.
In teens, depression often shows up as irritability, frustration, and a short temper. It doesn’t always look like sadness. - Refusal can be anxiety.
Avoiding homework, shutting down, or saying “no” can come from feeling overwhelmed or afraid of getting it wrong. - Blow-ups can be a trauma response.
Fast reactions, going from calm to intense quickly, or struggling to settle back down can be signs that their system is already on edge. - “Not caring” can be hopelessness.
When a young person feels like nothing is getting better, it can look like they’ve stopped trying.
What This Means for Parents
If this is what’s really underneath the behavior, then the response has to shift.
Not away from expectations.
But away from reacting only to what you see.
Here are a few things you can try tonight:
1. Pause and stay calm.
When things start to heat up, stop for a second. Take a breath. Keep your voice steady, even if theirs isn’t.
2. Pick one thing to focus on.
Don’t try to fix everything at once. Choose one issue and let the rest wait.
3. Say what you see.
Try: “You seem really on edge tonight.”
Not: “Why are you acting like this?”
Not: “Why are you acting like this?”
4. Don’t solve it right then.
If it’s already a fight, take a break. Come back later when things are calm.
5. Help them see a way forward.
Focus on one small next step. Something they can do right now that feels manageable.
6. Get more support if needed.
If this keeps happening or feels bigger than what you can manage, it may be time to talk to a counselor, school support, or provider who can help you better understand what’s going on.
7. Say it out loud: you love them and you’re on their side.
Even if they don’t respond, even if they brush it off, they need to hear it. Try: “I love you. I’m here. We’ll figure this out.” It doesn’t solve the moment, but it reminds them they’re not alone.
If you are living this, it’s understandable that you feel frustrated, worn down, and even angry at times. When every interaction feels like a fight, it takes a toll.
What’s important to remember is that this behavior may not mean what it looks like on the surface. What feels like defiance can be anxiety. What feels like disrespect can be overwhelm. What looks like not caring can be a young person who has started to believe that trying won’t make a difference.
You don’t have to figure everything out right away. But how you respond in these moments matters. Small changes can start to shift what happens next.
And if it doesn’t improve, or if it continues to feel bigger than what you can manage at home, that’s a sign to bring in additional support. You don’t have to navigate this alone.
About the Author
Melanie Heitkamp, LCSW, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 40 years of experience serving youth and families in North Dakota. She began her career as a Child Welfare Investigator and spent nearly four decades as Executive Director of Youthworks. Melanie is a tireless advocate for trauma-informed care, youth voice, and prevention services. She believes in meeting youth with kindness, accountability, and unwavering belief in their potential.
A message from Mark Heinert, Executive Director
We see that every day at Youthworks. Young people come in already carrying those labels—defiant, oppositional, disrespectful. And once they’ve heard those words enough, they start to carry them, too.
What Mel reminds us is that behavior is often a signal, not the full story.
I was reminded of that in a really meaningful way last week.
I got a call from a former youth—she’s in her 30s now. She wanted to share that she’s raising her own kids and going back to school to study psychology. Her story hasn’t been easy. It started hard, and there were a lot of challenges along the way.
But what she talked about wasn’t any specific program or intervention.
She remembered being given a voice.
She remembered being treated like a real person—someone who had struggles, but wasn’t defined by them.
And for whatever reason, that stuck with her. Enough that years later, she reached out to share how she’s doing.
It’s a simple reminder, but an important one.
The relationship matters. Being heard matters.
We can’t ignore mental health—those challenges are real and they show up in behavior in ways that are hard for everyone. But there’s always more to a young person than what we see in the moment, or what ends up written in a file.
Sometimes the most important thing we do is make sure they know they’re more than that.
And when that happens, it sticks.
April 2, 2026
They Need Our Protection, Too
By Melanie Heitkamp, LCSW
April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month.
When we talk about child abuse, the focus is almost always on young children—and for good reason. The data is clear. Infants and very young children are the most vulnerable to abuse and neglect, and the most likely to experience serious harm. They depend entirely on adults for their safety, and when that safety is compromised, the consequences can be devastating.
When I began doing child protection work in Mercer County in the early 1980s, the work looked very different. The system was new, the laws were still being understood, and intervention was not always accepted. Children were frequently viewed as an extension of their parents rather than individuals with rights, and stepping into those situations could be met with resistance—sometimes even threats. The work was difficult, but it marked the beginning of a shift. Since then, we have made important progress in recognizing the need to protect young children.
The question is: what happens when those children become youth?
Where the Response Breaks Down
For youth, the issue is not whether harm is happening—it is how that harm is understood and responded to.
A report is made, but the situation is labeled “conflict.” A young person reacts, and their response becomes the focus. An incident escalates, and responsibility is shared, even when there is a clear imbalance of power.
Even when abuse has occurred, the message youth often receive is that they are “safe enough.” Safe enough to stay. Safe enough to manage it. Safe enough to figure it out.
Youth remain legally bound to their household, which limits their ability to create real safety. When they try to assert control, create distance, or protect themselves, those actions are often seen as defiance or delinquency rather than responses to harm.
This creates a dangerous dynamic.
Youth may be blamed for what is happening to them.
They may be expected to manage situations that are not safe.
Or they may decide the only way to protect themselves is to leave.
What We Need to Do Differently
To be clear, we do not need more youth entering foster care.
What we need are more options—real, accessible pathways that give young people a way forward when where they are is not safe.
Approaches like kinship care or semi-independent living can provide safe, stable environments while allowing youth to stay connected to school, relationships, and their community. These options create space for support and stability while helping youth move toward independence in a way that is intentional and supported.
Choices matter. When youth have options, they have something to move toward—not just something to escape. That is where hope begins.
And they should not be expected to navigate unsafe environments on their own.
Broadening Our Definition of Protection
We have made meaningful progress in how we protect young children. The next step is making sure that same commitment extends to youth so they are not overlooked or left without options when they need support the most.
They need our protection, too—and they need us to build a system that gives them more than two choices: stay or leave.
About the Author
Melanie Heitkamp, LCSW, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 40 years of experience serving youth and families in North Dakota. She began her career as a Child Welfare Investigator and spent nearly four decades as Executive Director of Youthworks. Melanie is a tireless advocate for trauma-informed care, youth voice, and prevention services. She believes in meeting youth with kindness, accountability, and unwavering belief in their potential.
A message from Mark Heinert, Executive Director
Having worked in child protection in Kidder and Burleigh Counties in the 1990s, I’ve seen firsthand how quickly responsibility can shift onto youth—how their behaviors are often used to explain or even justify the harm they’re experiencing. That tension has stayed with me throughout my career.
Adolescents are not helpless in the same way young children are, but that does not mean they are fully equipped to navigate unsafe situations on their own. They need support that recognizes both their growing independence and their need for safety.
At Youthworks, programs like Diversion—a newer program now available in Minot, Bismarck, Grand Forks, and Fargo—work with youth identified as Children in Need of Services (CHINS) to do exactly that: helping them build decision-making skills while ensuring they have the structure and support necessary to stay safe.
The challenge in front of us is finding that balance: empowering youth to have a stronger voice in their lives, while not losing sight of our responsibility to protect them. Both must exist together.
If you or someone you know may need support, we encourage you to reach out to any of our Youthworks locations. No young person should have to navigate these challenges alone.
March 5, 2026
“Why Did They Lie to Me?” – Understanding Youth, Truth, and Trust
By Melanie Heitkamp, LCSW | Executive Director Emeritus, Youthworks
💬 A Note to Parents
One of the most heart-wrenching questions parents ask me is:
“Why did they lie to me?”
It stings. Especially when you’ve poured love, time, and energy into a young person who’s struggling. For many of you, lying feels like betrayal. It can shake the very foundation of your trust. But here’s something I’ve learned over four decades of working with youth and families: Lying is often not about deception—it’s about protection.
Before we label, judge, or give up, let’s take a breath together and understand what’s really going on.
🔍 Why Do Youth Lie?
Lying is a normal part of adolescent development. Research shows that most kids start experimenting with truth and fiction as early as age three, but the complexity of lies increases during adolescence. According to Dr. Nancy Darling, a developmental psychologist, 98% of teens admit to lying to their parents at some point—usually about things like friends, parties, or homework.
But let’s dig deeper.
When a young person has a history of trauma, has been involved in the justice system, or is working hard to protect a fragile identity, the lie can become a survival tool. Not a weapon. Not a manipulation. A way to stay safe—physically, emotionally, socially.
Common Reasons Youth Lie
Reason
What's Really Going On?
Fear of punishment
“If I tell the truth, I’ll get hurt or lose something important.”
Shame or guilt
“I don’t want you to see me as bad or broken.”
Protection of others
“If I tell, someone else might get in trouble—or hurt.”
Identity preservation
“If I admit this, you might see me differently… and I already feel different.”
Avoiding disappointment
"You’ve been proud of me lately. I didn’t want to lose that.”
Lying as a Trauma Response
For youth who have experienced abuse, neglect, or instability, truth-telling can feel dangerous. In those early years, telling the truth may have led to more pain. Or no one believed them. Or it got someone hurt.
They may have learned that the world isn’t safe for honesty.
So now, even in a safe environment, the old wiring still fires. A lie slips out before they even know it. It’s not a character flaw—it’s a coping mechanism.
Insight: When Trouble Breeds Silence
Youth who’ve had a run-in with law enforcement or been labeled “troubled” carry extra weight. They often feel they have to work twice as hard to earn trust—and one misstep confirms the worst assumptions.
So they lie. To protect the fragile progress they’ve made. To avoid being seen as “the bad kid” again.
Let me be clear: this doesn’t make lying okay. But it does make it understandable.
The Mask of Image and Identity
Adolescents are wired to seek belonging. Their brains are undergoing massive changes that amplify social awareness and emotional sensitivity. For youth who feel “different”—because of gender identity, race, neurodiversity, or mental health—the pressure to present a certain image is enormous.
Lying becomes a way to fit in. Or not stand out. Or keep their real self hidden until they know it’s safe.
From Lie to Truth – A Parent’s Guide
Instead of this...
Try this...
“Why did you lie to me?”
“I can tell something’s hard for you to talk about. Can we try again?”
“You’re grounded until you’re honest.”
“Let’s take a break. When you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here.”
“You always lie!”
“I’ve noticed it’s been hard to be honest lately. What’s going on?”
Our Role as Adults: Safety Before Solutions
At Youthworks, we have learned to ask what happened to you, not what’s wrong with you. We offer a space where youth don’t have to lie to survive.
Parents can offer that, too. Not perfectly. But with intention.
Instead of seeing a lie as a dead end, try seeing it as a signal. A young person is telling you: “Something inside me is not okay.” Listen for that. Ask about that.
Trust can be rebuilt—not with threats, but with consistency, compassion, and connection.
Final Thoughts from Melanie
When I started at Youthworks nearly 38 years ago, I didn’t know all the reasons youth lied. I just knew they were hurting. I’ve learned that truth takes root in safe soil.
You are not alone. Parenting is hard. But our youth are not hopeless. They are healing. Even when they lie.
About the Author
Melanie Heitkamp, LCSW, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 40 years of experience serving youth and families in North Dakota. She began her career as a Child Welfare Investigator and spent nearly four decades as Executive Director of Youthworks. Melanie is a tireless advocate for trauma-informed care, youth voice, and prevention services. She believes in meeting youth with kindness, accountability, and unwavering belief in their potential.
A message from Mark Heinert, Executive Director
Most of us, if we’re honest, can remember a time we didn’t tell the truth — because we were scared, ashamed, or unsure how we’d be received.
Not long ago, my wife asked if I had called to schedule an appointment. I hadn’t. But I quickly said I had — and added that I was just waiting to hear back. It was a small thing. I planned to call right away anyway. She likely never would have known the difference.
But later I found myself asking: Why did I lie?
I’m 56 years old. I’ve been married for more than 30 years. And yet in that moment, I still wanted to look responsible. Capable. On top of things. I didn’t want to disappoint her or appear forgetful. So I chose the easier answer.
It wasn’t about deception. It was about image. About wanting to be seen well.
Now imagine how a young person feels when they’re cornered about something that carries far more weight than a missed phone call. Imagine being 14, 16, or 18 — still figuring out who you are — and feeling like one wrong answer could confirm every fear someone has about you.
And then we act surprised when they don’t tell the full truth.
Before we rush to judgment, it’s worth pausing to reflect on our own lives. Many of us have softened the truth to save face. To avoid conflict. To stay out of trouble. To protect how someone sees us.
Youth are not immune to those same impulses — they experience them even more intensely.
At Youthworks, we try not to take the lie personally. Instead, we listen for what’s underneath it. That’s where trust is built.
You can support youth by offering consistency, calm, and understanding. By choosing curiosity over control. By managing your own reaction so it doesn’t become another reason a young person feels unsafe.
Healing doesn’t begin with perfect behavior. It begins with consistent presence.
“I’m still here. When you’re ready.”
That’s the invitation that builds trust — and trust is what changes outcomes.
February 5, 2026
Showing Up with Kindness
By Melanie Heitkamp, LCSW
Some of the most powerful moments I’ve witnessed in my 40+ years working with youth didn’t happen in therapy offices or courtrooms. They happened in school hallways, park benches, and quiet corners of drop-in centers—when one young person noticed another and chose to show up.
No big speeches. No drama. Just presence. Kindness. A decision to say, “You’re not alone.”
We live in a culture that too often rewards the loudest voice, the sharpest insult, the biggest performance. But kindness—real, intentional kindness—is still what changes people. It still changes outcomes. And when it’s modeled by youth, it’s transformative.
Why Showing Up Matters
When someone is being mocked, left out, or targeted—and no one responds—that silence can be louder than any insult.
But when someone steps in?
- Tension breaks.
- Shame shrinks.
- The person being hurt feels seen.
- And the behavior often stops—quickly.
Chart: The Impact of Showing Up
Action Taken by Bystander
- Silent or Passive Response
- Clear or verbal interruption
- Quiet presence near the target
- Private check-in afterward
- Group disengagement from cruelty
- Silent or Passive Response
- Clear or verbal interruption
- Quiet presence near the target
- Private check-in afterward
- Group disengagement from cruelty
Result
- Bullying escalates or repeats
- Bullying ends within 10 seconds in 57% of cases
- Signals safety, lowers emotional harm
- Increases the target's sense of connection and healing
- Reduces likelihood of repeat behavior
- Bullying escalates or repeats
- Bullying ends within 10 seconds in 57% of cases
- Signals safety, lowers emotional harm
- Increases the target's sense of connection and healing
- Reduces likelihood of repeat behavior
Sources: Craig & Pepler (1997), Youth Voice Project (2010)
Leading with Presence, Not Perfection
You don’t have to be the loudest person in the room.
You don’t have to confront someone head-on.
You just have to care enough to act.
Kindness isn’t soft. It’s strategic. It’s protective. It changes the climate in a room or a thread. And you don’t need anyone’s permission to lead with it.
Five Ways to Show Up
Sometimes kindness is quiet. Sometimes it’s direct. Here are ways young people have made a difference—without needing to be perfect.
- Interrupt gently: “Let’s talk about something else.”
- Join the one left out instead of joining the crowd.
- Stay nearby when something feels off—it changes how safe someone feels.
- Use body language: a glance, a nod, a shift in energy can be enough.
- Follow up later with a message: “Hey, I saw that. Are you okay?”
These small choices add up. When youth choose kindness, it teaches everyone around them what’s possible.
What Kindness Builds
Kindness protects. It disrupts harm. But it also builds:
- Connection – People feel less alone.
- Belonging – Groups feel safer, more open.
- Leadership – Others start to follow your example.
- Resilience – The person being hurt sees that one moment doesn’t define them.
- Hope – That things can get better because people like you exist.
Final Words from Melanie
I’ve spent my career listening to young people tell me what it feels like to be invisible—or worse, to be watched while someone hurts them and no one intervenes.
But I’ve also seen what happens when just one person shows up with kindness.
The whole story changes.
Culture doesn’t shift all at once. It changes one choice at a time.
And I believe in your power to make that choice.
If you’re someone who’s ever been told you’re “too sensitive” for noticing the pain around you, I want you to know: that sensitivity is your strength.
That awareness is your gift.
Keep noticing.
Keep caring.
Keep choosing kindness.
Even when the world tells you not to.
Especially then.
With gratitude,
Melanie
About the Author
Melanie Heitkamp, LCSW recently retired after more than four decades of service to youth and families in North Dakota. She began her career in child protection and spent the last 25 years as Executive Director of Youthworks, where she led efforts grounded in trauma-informed care, youth empowerment, and prevention. Her legacy continues in every young person who chooses dignity over division.
A Message from the Executive Director, Mark Heinert
At Youthworks, we see kindness as more than a value—it’s action. When young people support one another, when they step in and stand beside a peer who’s being dismissed or disrespected, that’s real courage. It’s what reshapes a room, a culture, a life.
Adults often ask us how they can help in a time when cruelty seems louder than care. My answer is this: Notice when kindness happens. Name it. Elevate it. And make space for youth to lead.
Youth don’t need us to speak over them. They need us to believe in what they already know: that showing up for one another matters.
You can support this shift by mentoring, offering space for youth-led groups, or simply being the adult who reflects their values back to them. It’s not about stepping in to fix it. It’s about stepping aside to let them lead.
January 1, 2026
January 1, 2026
What We Mean When We Say Human Trafficking
By Melanie Heitkamp, LCSW | Executive Director Emeritus, Youthworks
Governor Kelly Armstrong has signed a proclamation recognizing January as Human Trafficking Prevention Month in North Dakota. This is important and this proclamations matters. It helps us acknowledge that human trafficking exists in our communities. In North Dakota. Of North Dakotans. By North Dakotans. However, the proclamation does not address what we, as a community, should do once we acknowledge the issue of human trafficking.
Right now, it is difficult to escape stories of exploitation and abuse. We continue to learn more about the harm connected to Jeffrey Epstein. We are hearing new allegations involving Sean “Diddy” Combs. And here in North Dakota, the details surrounding former State Senator Ray Holmberg have forced many people to confront a reality they would rather not see. Alongside these stories are the steady, heartbreaking reports connected to Missing and Murdered Indigenous People, names added far too often to a list that continues to grow. As we read the news, we are facing a near daily barrage of stories about child sexual abuse, exploitation, and abuse that thrives in silence.
At first, these stories are shocking. Then they are painful. And over time, they become numbing. We read them, absorb what we can, and move on to the next headline. Not because we do not care, but because it feels overwhelming.
Because the question that follows is always the same: what can we actually do?
How we answer that question depends on how we understand human trafficking in the first place.
When many people picture trafficking, they imagine an unknown assailant arriving from outside the community. They picture a stranger using a ploy of money left under a windshield, luring someone back to their car in a parking lot, and abducting them in a single, terrifying moment. Someone dangerous and obvious. A threat that feels dramatic and extreme. That framing makes trafficking frightening, but distant. It allows us to believe that if we are paying attention, if we are good parents, if we live in the right neighborhoods, this is not something we need to look too closely at.
This is rarely what happens.
More often, trafficking unfolds through familiarity. Through grooming. Through attention that feels affirming before it becomes controlling. Through adults who recognize unmet needs and exploit them. Through offers of love, safety, or stability that come with conditions a young person recognizes and accepts because the alternatives feel even worse.
Sometimes it looks like a trusted adult crossing boundaries. Sometimes it looks like an acquaintance offering a place to sleep, at a price. Sometimes, it can look lonely girl, unsure of her worth, seeking affirmation and acceptance on the internet. Parents trying to survive poverty and drug addiction, who may have experienced similar experiences when they were young, and miss the signs for their own children. These situations are rarely dramatic. They are quiet. And they happen in plain sight or begin on a computer or phone.
These situations do not happen in isolation. They take root in social environments where girls’ bodies are routinely commented on, evaluated, and sexualized, and where that attention is treated as normal rather than alarming. They exist alongside a quiet but very real demand. Adults who are willing to pay for sex rely on secrecy, silence, and social tolerance to keep it hidden. Discomfort is minimized. Inappropriate behavior is brushed off as awkwardness or misunderstanding. People notice when something feels off but hesitate to say anything because they do not want to be wrong, intrusive, or disruptive. In that space, exploitation is not just enabled by the person doing the trafficking but sustained by those who are willing to purchase sex and by communities that allow both to remain unnamed.
When conversations about trafficking focus on the youth’s risk factors, we miss the point entirely. Exploitation does not happen because young people are reckless or careless. It happens because adults misuse power and because communities normalize silence. It happens when harmful behavior is tolerated long enough to feel ordinary.
Prevention does not begin with teaching youth how to protect themselves from adults. It begins with adults taking responsibility for the conditions we have created and allowed to persist. It requires us to question what we excuse, what we overlook, and what we have come to accept as normal. It requires us to educate ourselves about human trafficking, to challenge our assumptions on how it happens and implement protections in our homes and in our institutions.
This kind of prevention is not sensational. It does not rely on fear or dramatic warnings. It shows up in everyday moments — in conversations we choose to have, in boundaries we are willing to name, and in whether we are prepared to believe people when the truth is uncomfortable or inconvenient. The good news is that the same social norms that allow exploitation to persist are learned, which means they can also be interrupted. In the end it is about providing connection and purpose for our youth.
A message from Mark Heinert, Executive Director
Melanie’s reflection invites us to look honestly at how exploitation takes root—not through dramatic, isolated acts, but through everyday norms, silence, and gaps in accountability. It also reminds us that prevention is strongest when it is built into systems, policies, and shared community expectations.
At Youthworks, our work to prevent human trafficking and child exploitation extends beyond direct services. We also engage in policy advocacy and systems-level prevention efforts to reduce opportunities for harm before they occur.
As part of this commitment, Youthworks helped create the ND HOPE Project in 2025. Our partners include Youthworks, 31:8 Project, Central Dakota Forensic Nurse Examiners, the North Dakota Domestic and Sexual Violence Coalition, and the Children’s Advocacy Centers of North Dakota—organizations that work statewide to prevent child abuse and human trafficking, respond to harm, and advance systems-level prevention.
Beginning this month, the ND HOPE Project will host a community webinar series designed to build shared, practical understanding of how human trafficking and child exploitation show up in North Dakota, how they impact individuals and communities, and how earlier recognition and stronger systems can interrupt harm.
The North Dakota HOPE Project will announce the initiative during a press conference on Thursday, January 8, 2026, at 10 a.m. at the Bismarck Public Library in meeting room A. It will also be livestreamed on www.NDHOPEProject.org.
Lasting change does not come from awareness alone. It comes from communities willing to examine power, set clear boundaries, and embed prevention into how we lead, govern, and care for young people. We hope you’ll join us in these conversations as we work toward a safer, more accountable future for North Dakota’s youth.
December 4, 2025
December 4, 2025
Are Youth Really “Worse Off” Today? Unpacking the Myth and Celebrating Their Strengths
By Melanie Heitkamp, LCSW | Executive Director Emeritus, Youthworks
There’s a myth that’s been echoing across generations: “Kids these days…”—as if every new generation of adolescents signals decline. That myth is louder than ever today, often driven by fear, misunderstanding, and the fast pace of societal change. But after over four decades working directly with young people and families, I can say without hesitation: youth are not worse today. They are wiser, more aware, more diverse, and more courageous than we often give them credit for.
In my earliest days investigating child welfare and later, through decades at Youthworks, I saw what happens when we lead with judgment instead of compassion. And I’ve seen what happens when we lead with belief in young people’s potential. Spoiler: the outcomes are radically different.
The Myth of the “Broken” Generation
We often hear:
- “Teens today are entitled.”
- “They’re too soft.”
- “They don’t work hard.”
- “They’re glued to screens and don’t know how to interact.”
These beliefs don’t match the data—or the reality.
Youth Behavior Trends: Better Than You Might Think
Here’s what research shows from the CDC, Pew Research Center, and the Monitoring the Future study:
Behavior
Then (1991)
Now (2021)
Cigarette Use (12th Grade)
28.3%
4.4%
Teen Pregnancy
61.8 Births per 1,000
13.9 Births per 1,000
Alcohol Use (12th Grade)
80%
55%
Sources: CDC, MTF, NCES
Young people are less likely to drink, smoke, or become teen parents than in past decades. They’re more likely to talk openly about mental health, question injustice, and push for inclusion.
The Reality: Today’s Youth Are Brave, Bright, and Resilient
I’ve met youth who care for their siblings while navigating high school, who advocate for their LGBTQ+ peers, who seek therapy to break generational trauma, who organize for climate justice, and who ask why—and that’s powerful.
The Five Hidden Strengths of Adolescents
According to Dr. Laurence Steinberg, leading developmental psychologist, adolescence is not just a time of risk—it’s a time of extraordinary opportunity. Here are five strengths we often overlook:
- Creativity and Innovation – Teens are neurologically wired to think in new ways.
- Passion for Justice – They care deeply about fairness and equity.
- High Capacity for Learning – Their brains are more adaptable than at any other stage of life.
- Courage to Challenge Norms – Adolescents question systems that don’t work.
- Connection-Oriented – Despite the myth, they crave real belonging and purpose.
These strengths thrive when we see young people as assets—not problems to solve.
Reframing Our Role: Adults as Allies, Not Judges
At Youthworks, we see young people not as broken, but as brave. Every youth who walks through our door carries a story—and a spark. Some have lived through more in 16 years than many do in 60. But they’re still dreaming, still hoping, still fighting to belong.
Being an ally means:
- Listening without rushing to fix.
- Offering safety instead of suspicion.
- Believing in youth even when they don’t yet believe in themselves.
When youth are trusted and supported, they rise. Always.
How Adults Can Show Up for Youth
Instead of Saying
“You’re being dramatic.”
“You just need to toughen up.”
“Back in my day…”
“You’ll understand when you’re older”
Try Saying
“This sounds like it really matters to you.”
“You’re showing strength by asking for help.”
“Tell me what your experience is like.”
“I’m here to understand now.”
Our words either build bridges or walls. Let’s choose the bridge.
About the Author
Melanie Heitkamp, LCSW is a lifelong advocate for youth and families. For over 40 years, she has served as a social worker, investigator, and most recently Executive Director of Youthworks. Her approach centers on prevention, trauma-informed care, and the belief that every young person deserves a place to belong. She has never forgotten the words of her parents: “You are no better than anyone else and no less than anyone else.” Melanie carries those values into retirement, leaving behind a legacy of compassion, equity, and unwavering belief in youth potential.
About Youthworks
Youthworks is North Dakota’s leading youth-serving agency, committed to ensuring that every youth has a safe place to belong and be heard. With nearly 50 staff across multiple locations, Youthworks offers crisis support, transitional housing, mentoring, counseling, and prevention programs rooted in evidence and empathy. Since its founding, Youthworks has stood beside youth facing barriers—from poverty and conflict to homelessness and trafficking—offering not just services, but hope, belonging, and a future.
A message from Mark Heinert, Executive Director
The stories we tell about young people matter. When we repeat myths—lazy, unmotivated, broken—we do more than misrepresent them. We limit what they believe is possible for themselves.
At Youthworks, we’ve seen the opposite. We see resourcefulness, grit, compassion, and leadership in youth who’ve faced circumstances no one should have to.
If you want to support youth in a meaningful way, start by challenging the myths when you hear them. Offer platforms where youth can speak for themselves—not just be spoken about.
Better yet, listen without waiting for your turn to respond. That’s where respect begins.
When youth are trusted with truth, decision-making, and leadership—they rise. Let’s make sure we’re not the ones in their way.
November 6, 2025
November 6, 2025
What 40 Years of Listening Has Taught Me About Runaway Youth
By Melanie Heitkamp, LCSW | Executive Director Emeritus, Youthworks
Every November used to be called Runaway Prevention Month. And it made sense at the time. When young people leave home without permission, it’s scary. It’s risky. It can put them in real danger. Of course, we want to prevent that. But over the years — especially after listening to youth and families again and again — we’ve learned something more: preventing a behavior doesn’t change the conditions that created it. If we really want to help youth stay, we have to understand why they run.
That’s why we now call this Youth HOPE Month — and I believe it’s one of the most important shifts we’ve ever made. Because the truth is:
- Running away isn’t just a behavior — it’s a signal.
- What youth are missing isn’t discipline — it’s connection, safety, and belonging.
- And what they and their families most often need in these moments is not punishment — it’s HOPE.
Then and Now: What’s Changed, What Hasn’t
I started this work in the 1980s, running Youthworks’ first shelter for runaway youth. At the time, leaving home without permission was technically illegal — a status offense. And many youth were sent to juvenile detention for it. Families were told they were doing it wrong. Youth were told to calm down, go home, and behave. And very few people stopped to ask, “What’s actually going on underneath all of this?”
More than 40 years later, some of those same misunderstandings still exist — but the context is even more complex. Today’s youth are growing up in a world where:
- Their relationships exist beyond family and school. Their social lives are online, global, and sometimes invisible to adults.
- Their risks are amplified. Traffickers and exploiters are more connected, more anonymous, and more manipulative than ever.
- Their parents are under enormous stress. Many are navigating trauma, addiction, housing insecurity, or mental health struggles of their own.
- Their needs haven’t changed — but their options have. And when they can’t find hope at home, they go looking for it elsewhere.
Why Youth Run
It’s rarely just one thing. It’s almost never “just being dramatic.” Youth run because they don’t believe anything is going to change. Because they feel unsafe, unheard, or unimportant. Because they’ve already tried to explain what’s going on — and no one listened.
Most runaway youth don’t want to talk about why they left. But the story is always deeper than it looks. Sometimes they’re fleeing abuse or neglect. Sometimes they’re caught in an escalating family conflict. Sometimes they’re trying to find connection that they’ve never really felt — anywhere. And when adults treat it like a personal failure or a rule violation, we miss the real point: running away is about wanting to belong somewhere. Wanting to feel safe, seen, and valued. That’s not a behavior to punish. That’s a need to respond to.
What I’ve Seen After 40 Years
When I first started listening, I didn’t see defiance. I saw hopelessness. And over time, I also saw resilience. I saw youth who wanted things to be different. I saw families who were desperate for any way to reconnect. And I saw something else too.
I’ve also sat with parents — parents who felt like failures, parents who had reached their limit, parents who thought they’d already “lost” their kid. But they hadn’t. They were showing up in the only way they could. And often, they were desperate for one thing: “I just want to know they’re okay.”
Sometimes, things at home can get better — with support, time, and tools. But not always. Sometimes abuse continues. Sometimes addiction or untreated mental illness creates chaos. Sometimes parents just can’t show up differently right now. And in those moments, youth still need hope. They need to find belonging somewhere. To find purpose in new spaces. To give back, make connections, and believe in something more than survival. That’s what we work toward every day. That’s what Youth HOPE Month is all about.
What the Community Can Do
We can’t keep letting runaway youth stay invisible. And we can’t keep blaming families who are already trying their best. Here’s what we can do instead:
This Is Youth HOPE Month
This month isn’t just a campaign. It’s a reminder of what youth and families really need when things fall apart. They don’t need more judgment. They don’t need isolation or shame. They need people who listen. People who offer safety. People who help them believe in the possibility of healing — even if it doesn’t happen right away.
That’s what 40 years of listening has taught me. That’s what this work is about. And that’s what we’re celebrating as we step into the next 40 years.
About the Author
Melanie Heitkamp, LCSW is a lifelong advocate for youth and families. For over 40 years, she has served as a social worker, investigator, and most recently Executive Director of Youthworks. Her approach centers on prevention, trauma-informed care, and the belief that every young person deserves a place to belong. She has never forgotten the words of her parents: “You are no better than anyone else and no less than anyone else.” Melanie carries those values into retirement, leaving behind a legacy of compassion, equity, and unwavering belief in youth potential.
About Youthworks
Youthworks is North Dakota’s leading youth-serving agency, committed to ensuring that every youth has a safe place to belong and be heard. With nearly 50 staff across multiple locations, Youthworks offers crisis support, transitional housing, mentoring, counseling, and prevention programs rooted in evidence and empathy. Since its founding, Youthworks has stood beside youth facing barriers—from poverty and conflict to homelessness and trafficking—offering not just services, but hope, belonging, and a future.
A message from Mark Heinert, Executive Director
Runaway youth don’t need hiding places. They need safe people — people who will notice when something’s off, people who will ask questions without judgment, and people who will hold space without demanding quick fixes.
As a community, we can’t always solve the problems youth are running from. But we can make sure they’re not running alone. We can partner with schools to foster belonging. We can train mentors and volunteers to recognize early signs of crisis. We can check in with families who seem overwhelmed. And we can make sure that every young person knows — no matter what they’re facing — they matter here.
One of the most powerful ways to show up is through mentoring. Youthworks mentors — including those who serve through AmeriCorps — help create steady, caring relationships that remind youth they are seen, valued, and capable of more than survival. In the coming months, we’ll be launching new mentoring opportunities in Bismarck, Fargo, and Minot, and we’re inviting community members to be part of that effort. Whether you have a few hours a week or a consistent schedule to offer, your presence can make a difference.
You don’t need to be a professional to be part of the solution. You just need to care enough to show up, listen, and connect youth to people who can help. We’ve seen what happens when that kind of support shows up at the right time — it changes the outcome. Let’s keep choosing that.